i have been depressed for the past few days.. it happened so many times throughout this term...in fact i have been in depression for the past few years..i thought it will be better over the times.. but it don't.. lately my depression seems to be unpredictable..it can suddenly comes and goes.. it has been going on for awhile now.. i know i need to get help... but i still feel i can handle it though... my doctor use to gave me medicine to make me feel better and it works.. it's just i don't like the feeling that i have to depend on drugs to make me feel better..people may don't understand this after awhile i feel more depress because i can't be happy without pills..my family don't know about this either... some of my friends knew but they don't understand it.. even the person that i have been in love with for years knows about it but he doesn't get it.. it's like i'm faking everything.. i'm trying to disclose to other people but they will think that i am a freak.. i don't feel happy about everything.. my latest exam's result recently came out.. it was pretty devastating.. but i understand that i get what i deserve.. the thing is that right now i don't need people come to me and comfort me with words.. i don't find those words helping me at all... it don't motivate me to be better and it definitely won't help me feel better.. sorry guys.. those words more likely to hurt me even when you don't mean it that way...
i went out with 2 friends today.. the 2 which never cross my mind would have reached me and invited me for dinner.. i went anyway even though i had my meal.. Coco and Keri were very nice to me even though i had some sort of history with their friend.. i guess they just being kind.. very sweet of them.. i am looking forward to see them again in the future..
earlier, i cleaned up the whole kitchen.. i even clear up the fridge.. if i don't do anything i tend to think about the things that i shouldn't thought of.. still by making myself busy didn't do much of difference.. but at least i manage to do something good right? living alone all by myself is not really bad after all.. even so, i pray everyday that one day i look at this post and feel so good of myself and think how silly i was.. xoxo
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