Sometime LATER become NEVER! Do it NOW!

I have the habit to update my blog like twice a year.. haha Next time I'll try to update it more often.. I'll put it in my New Year Resolutions for 2016... ;) I'm actually planning to put on better contents for my blogs... I will work on it.. 

I have done my internship training and got a good marks for it.. Bad news is that I have to extend my study for another semester.. Did not manged to finish my research on time.. Even now I am dragging the time.. I need motivation.. Like big time motivation... Away from my families and friends, not helping much.. I made new friends when I went to train with another rugby club.. Well it's nice to breath new air and surrounded with new people.. A new beginning... 

I haven't been playing rugby for 2-3 years? I don't remember myself... It was one of the toughest and the stupidest decisions I've made my entire life.. I have been running... I am so tired of giving up now.. For some, they probably know that I have been through a bad depression before.. I'm not saying that I am completely alright now but things gets better.. And eventually things will continue to be better... 

I went back to K.K. few months ago after my internship training ended... End up spent more than 2 months back home.. Playing rugby again.. Joined 2 tournaments... I was in a bad condition.. Really.. But man I still got it.. Haha! I need to slim down a bit.. That's for sure... Need to get back in shape unfortunately the only workout I've been doing these past 2 weeks was eating.. Tons.. I need motivation for both study and my body.. I know the only person who can help me is myself.. Well that's the freaking catch.. Super darn hard.. I have list of things that needed to be done before 2016...Or else I will not be alright for the rest of my life... Hmmm Need to be super positive about things.. 

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED RORA~!!

xoxo

New Year.. New Environment... New Life...

Despite of everything that happened these past few months of my life, everything seems starting to be alright. I am all hyped with new things. I'm an intern now. Almost graduating. But I still have thesis to settle on. My final exam was just nice. The result gets better. I am so proud of myself. No more silly distraction. Went to a vacation with le housemates. It was fun, nice and relaxing. The bungalow was a barn house theme without any walls. No windows. No doors. Only pillars and the roofs.

As soon as we reached the place, this was the first thing that we could see from the entrance. It is not as scary as it seems though. 

This is how they separate the bedrooms from the rest of the house. The one that we rented has two rooms that could accommodate 10-16 people.  

This is exactly what I woke up to. It was so calming. I sleep in most of the time while the other were enjoying the swimming pool.

We went with Paein instead of Cha. I was upset that Cha didn't come but I'm glad to have Paien with us. She is a lot of fun too. I miss them so much though I hate to admit it because I have always been the tough one in the family so yeah. I end up went away with much silence. I so sorry everyone. It is not goodbyes but it is hard enough for me. So yeah. Bittersweet memories aye!

Till the next entry. I have to go now. It's lunch hour... The time that shouldn't be skipped. Tehee~!

xoxo

I just don't get it

I just have finished my last paper! Alhamdulillah!! I was a little mental breakdown the night before the exam.(Wanted to cry so much but I just can't!Damn it!) Last week I decided to do something crazy. So I cut my hair a little too short. In a way I feel relief that I dare to do something that I want. My friends are quite worry about it. (thanks guys but I'm all good). Life is about taking risk. Stepping out of your own comfort zone. I feel like I'm starting to take a baby step away from my zone. But every time I started to feel good about myself, there's always something that hold me back. I guess that's just the challenge when you try to do something positive. (I miss A so much.Whatever! Screw everything!)

So I was just got back from helping my friend out. Her mom's car broke down at the junction of our house. Due to the excessive of sugar in my blood, I end up acting cranky the whole night but it was a nice laugh. (so sorry to Coco for he has to watch everything! bhahaha) Thank you to Keri for the super sweet cake! Thanks to Paan for spending some time enjoying the desert with us!! I was not helping my friend much I guess just laughing out with Cha. So tired now. Need to sleep all this heaviness in my head and brush away the pain in this chest. Night Ya'll!

xoxo

Exam... Ramadhan... and life as we know it..

Yeeehooo! So it is exam month where the stress over the top. This is the time when the girls  having crazy moment with their hormones. So do I apparently. I'm thankful that I'm not relapse on being depress (yeah!). I don't know what to expect on my result this term but i'm hoping for the good.. the best.. I have tried to stay in the path though sometimes i do wasting so much time thinking and not doing. (damn it!) however, on the bright side not just me, people do see some improvement. Alhamdulillah on that. I still need a lot of time to adjust.

 Apart from that, tomorrow is the starting of Ramadhan month!! Ahlan Ya Ramadhan! for those who don't know, it is fasting month for the Muslim. It is the time for one to increase their good deeds, reflect themselves as a human being, as a Muslim and above all it is the month for one to get closer to the Creator. It is a Holly month. But my personal opinion, as a servant that was created, it is best to be thankful everyday of our lives. It is better to try to improve every flaw in each day of our live because we don't know when is the time for us to leave this world. What if we could not make it for Ramadhan to come and yeah all this time are we even sincere to change and to be better if we could only do it for a month? Ask yourself and be wise. I'm away from perfection. Even beyond. But I could say that I'm taking one step at a time. 

Well besides all the religious matter, Ramadhan also a good news to the laddies who wanted to slim down and always failed on diet. No crappy excuses when you're fasting... Hehe so good luck on that.. and it is actually a good start.. And again for those who don't know.. Scientifically it is proven that fasting is very good for health. It relaxes our digestive system. For those non-Muslim friends, you can just try it out. With the ultimate one condition, that you have to eat before dawn as Sahur and break your fast at dusk as Iftar. (No eating  for the whole day by the way not even a drop of water) InsyAllah you might not feel anything the whole day without even a gastric as long as you sincere to do it. Fasting is actually a test for your patient and your ability to restraint yourself from doing unnecessary or any bad things.

Here some tips for everyone!

xoxo

crazy life~!

These past few months, I have been emotionally, mentally and physically broke down. I realized all the drama was actually happened because I was the one who put myself in that particular situation. I know that we can't live to be very careful with everything that we limit ourselves and shutting all the doors in front of us. No we can't! Yet we can't live carelessly and reckless and screw things over and over again. It all about balance. I don't know how am I going to balance everything but I know somehow I have to change. Forgive myself and be a better person. 

A friend told me once, we can't have everything that we want in life. I know that. I fully know that. I wasn't spoil much to get everything that I want in my life. However, my mom being a mom, she convinces me that nothing is impossible in this world with Allah's willing. She brainwashed me with that kind of thoughts. In order to get something, you have to work for it. You might lose some and of course you might win some. Something crossed my mind. I started to think how to get everything that I wanted without disappoint myself. Then I get the answer. It is SINCERITY! Yes it is because when you are sincere, you will not expect any returns. When you don't expect it, it won't disappoint you not even a bit. It is different from not putting high hope on something. Not putting high hope means you still bet a chance on it. So as simple as be sincere will not harm you. The question is actually, is it easy to be sincere? Just when you thought that you are sincere, there will be things that hold you back and make you think back of what you have done. It is not easy to be a good person but to be the bad, as easy as ABC. Pray hard not just for people around us, but also for ourselves. It is one of the ways we can survive any fall. 

Last but not least, KOTOBIAN TADAU TOGAZO DO KAAMATAN! It is Kaamatan break, so to all my Kadazandusun and Sarawakian friends, enjoy your holiday celebrating harvest festival. I'm not going back home even though I am dying to see the tournament! I miss the team, I miss myself.. but the thing is I have tons of work to do.. Like seriously... Just finished one last night.. Tiring much..

xoxo

Too much..

baby, I am so sorry.. I could not face you right now.. it hurt me so much..you know what you put me through.. all these while people been speculating about so many thing.. I have holding on for too long.. I cant do this now.. the text that you sent me..it is just too much. you know I love you and miss you more than you can imagine.. these tears never tired running down for you..I need to give them a break.. Take the time that you always wanted.. Just take care..

xoxo

Climax

Not been able to carry myself properly lately. But I drag my feet around. I went to see Redbull Air Race Putrajaya. It was nice. Thrilling much actually despite of my broken heart. I guess there is no him and no me anymore. I know I have to let it go sometimes. Today was his convocation day. He did not text nor call me at all. Well the other girl is there. I could do nothing about it. I am numb. His mom was the one who texted me. I do not know what to feel actually. I remember crying in the middle of the day. Whatever it is I know I have to give myself a break. I need to focus on myself now.

 Baby if you read this, thank you so much for doing what you have done. I am thankful on each little things. Even though it broke my heart. People don't see what happened to me these past few years. You know well what you have done so I hope you will learn the lesson. I pray that you can learn how to be a responsible man. Honesty is the best policy. I know you that kind of man that will never regret of the things you did. Good for you. I hope you're happy. I mean it. 

I have fallen in love with the air race. I dream of being  pilot myself. There are so much more to life. Now that I see it, I wish I can still make it to do things that I have been holding myself from doing. A friend told me that I am not being realistic. Hey! nothing is impossible.. All I need to do now is to prevent myself to relapse from depression. May Allah with me always. InsyAllah...

xoxo