crazy life~!

These past few months, I have been emotionally, mentally and physically broke down. I realized all the drama was actually happened because I was the one who put myself in that particular situation. I know that we can't live to be very careful with everything that we limit ourselves and shutting all the doors in front of us. No we can't! Yet we can't live carelessly and reckless and screw things over and over again. It all about balance. I don't know how am I going to balance everything but I know somehow I have to change. Forgive myself and be a better person. 

A friend told me once, we can't have everything that we want in life. I know that. I fully know that. I wasn't spoil much to get everything that I want in my life. However, my mom being a mom, she convinces me that nothing is impossible in this world with Allah's willing. She brainwashed me with that kind of thoughts. In order to get something, you have to work for it. You might lose some and of course you might win some. Something crossed my mind. I started to think how to get everything that I wanted without disappoint myself. Then I get the answer. It is SINCERITY! Yes it is because when you are sincere, you will not expect any returns. When you don't expect it, it won't disappoint you not even a bit. It is different from not putting high hope on something. Not putting high hope means you still bet a chance on it. So as simple as be sincere will not harm you. The question is actually, is it easy to be sincere? Just when you thought that you are sincere, there will be things that hold you back and make you think back of what you have done. It is not easy to be a good person but to be the bad, as easy as ABC. Pray hard not just for people around us, but also for ourselves. It is one of the ways we can survive any fall. 

Last but not least, KOTOBIAN TADAU TOGAZO DO KAAMATAN! It is Kaamatan break, so to all my Kadazandusun and Sarawakian friends, enjoy your holiday celebrating harvest festival. I'm not going back home even though I am dying to see the tournament! I miss the team, I miss myself.. but the thing is I have tons of work to do.. Like seriously... Just finished one last night.. Tiring much..

xoxo